Welcome to the tenth episode of the Dumbasses Guide To Knowledge!  I’m the Dumbass, and I hope you’ve all had a wonderful holiday season.  This show marks an anniversary for the podcast.  I’ve been doing the Dumbasses Guide To Knowledge podcast for a little over a year now, and I’ve had the blog up for about two years.  It’s been even more fun than I hoped it would be!  And now the show is into double digits! A nice, round number to begin the New Year with!  How are you all doing?  

Like I said, I hope your holiday season went well.  I scored myself a couple of Chapters gift certificates, which is a chain of bookstores here in Canada.  I bought a copy of Brian Greene’s “The Elegant Universe”, Laurence Krauss’ “Hiding In The Mirror”, and Michael Specter’s “Denialism”.  I’ve got a reading list a mile long so it’s hard to know when I’ll get to those, but I just may pick one of them up sometime soon and give it a read.

I’ve got a lot that I want to cover today.  I hope I didn’t make you guys wait too long for this episode.  I wanted to get this out there few  weeks ago, but a lot of things conspired against me, including computer problems that forced me to take the time to reinstall windows and all my programs.  I’ve actually got some plans to put out episodes more frequently in 2012, but I’ll get to that later on.

Anyway, I usually don’t talk about emails and comments until a little later in the show, but I got one comment that I thought I should address in my beginning segment.  This is a comment I got on Reddit from a user named simjanes2k, who writes:

I like your podcast a lot. There is like ten minutes of non-content at the beginning that I didn’t really need, but the rest is pretty good! I like the low-key humor, and the voice is what I picture in my head for every Redditor in the world. Excellent reasoning and analysis.

I really appreciate all feedback, and simjanes2k is right – people are naturally going to like some things I do better than others.  I’ve been using my beginning segment as a little conversational style blather about things that are on my mind, and perhaps that’s not really interesting to everybody.  Some people might want to skip right to the substance and hear about the topic I’m covering this episode.

So what I’m going to do is on the show page for this episode, I’ll list the time that each segment ends.  So if you want to, you can easily fast forward straight through to the stuff that you really want to hear.  So if you really don’t care to hear me yammer on in this beginning segment, feel free to go to dumbassguide.info and take note of the times listed on the show page.

Interestingly enough, though, simjanes2k commented again with a slight change of heart:

After finishing the podcast, I realized it actually adds something to it. Makes the whole thing feel more like a conversation, or listening to a friend. That makes for a good ambiance while I’m working.

Apparently, I tend to grow on people.  I’m like that mole that you don’t like at first but you don’t want to go to the hassle of getting it removed so you decide that it gives your face character and that you’re actually happy with it!

…. Works for me!

Anyway, simjanes2k makes a good point – I do see this podcast as kind of a conversation.  Getting more involved in the conversation is the reason I created this podcast, and that’s even more evident in my other show the Invisible Sky Monster podcast.  I’ve been looking for ways to get more involved for a little while.  There’s a Skeptics In The Pub in my city, and I suppose it would be nice to meet local sceptics sometime.  The problem is that evenings are difficult for me.  Due to my work I have a variable sleep schedule but I’m often in bed by 9 or 10.  And the time up until I sleep is scheduled for enjoying with my wife.  Also, the pub really isn’t my scene.

If there was a lunchtime Skeptics In The Library, I’d be all over that!  But alas, it is not to be.  I’ve also tried engaging in online social scepticism, but that also tends to happen later in the evening, which makes it very difficult for me to make the time for it.  So my Dumbass Media Empire podcasts are my attempts to take the situation into my hands so that I can have this conversation on my terms.  So far, it’s been a very rewarding experience.

And speaking of communicating, I’ve set up a Twitter account for my Dumbass Media Empire so that I can more easily communicate with all of you.  My twitter handle is @DumbassMedia, and I capitalize the D and the M.  I use the account for posting updates on my progress for new shows, so if you’re interested in keeping track of that, then feel free to follow me.  I also post about other things that I think fellow sceptics would be interested in, or any other interesting content I find.  It’s great for posting quick updates and thoughts that I wouldn’t post on my blog but that may still be of interest to people.

So please follow me, the more the merrier!  I’m off to a good start, already got some great followers!  Stuart Robbins, AKA AstroStu follows me.  I was a guest on his podcast recently you know, we had a great conversation about Ancient Aliens, including some information that I haven’t talked about here.  Go check it out at podcast.sjrdesign.net
Other friends of the show are also following me, including the Conspiracy Skeptic Karl Mamer, the Cognitive Dissonance guys, Skeprechaun Rebecca O’Neill, and most of the members of the Amateur Skeptics podcast.  

I should mention those guys here.  As those of you who’ve listened to my past episodes know, I’ve been exploring new podcast listening options over the past year, and frequently recommending my favourites here. When I find one that I like I spend a while listening to their past episodes and bombarding them with comments about past topics that they probably haven’t thought of in months or years.  Call it a compulsion, when I have something to say I want to get it out there.  Usually most of my verbal diarrhoea is just ignored, and who can blame them?  But the Amateur Skeptics guys actually made an effort to respond to most of what I had to say, and they spend a few minutes talking about me and plugging my shows in their latest episode, which at the time I’m writing this is episode 50.  

I’m anticipating that episode 51 should be coming out at any time.  Bryan, who’s the founder of the podcast, tells me that the episode is already recorded.  So where is it Bryan?  I’m waiting here!  What’s the big idea of making people wait for a new episode?  Who does that?  Bad podcaster!!

Anyway, Bryan spells his name with a Y, and you know I’ve always said that there’s something special about Bryans who spell their names with Y’s.  He and the whole Amateur Skeptics team are great listening, so I encourage you to give them a listen at amateurskeptics.com.  One of the Amateur Skeptics, Kimberly Saviano, joined me and Rebecca O’Neill recently on the Invisible Sky Monster podcast to talk about issues relating to feminism in scepticism.  And I’m planning to get Bryan on a new episode with me in the near future.

Now let’s see… who else is following me… okay, let’s take a look at this person!  Hmmm… she seems to be mostly tweeting semi clever one liners… Oh, wait, she’s got a website… http free blowjob pics dot….. okay, maybe that’s something I can look into in more detail later!

I’ll just… write down that address… always good to know who my followers are you know! *AHEM* anyway, follow me and I’ll keep you up to date on what’s going on in my media empire.  For organization I use the hashtag DG2K when talking about this podcast, and hashtag ISMPod when talking about the Invisible Sky Monster Podcast.  Feel free to use those if you give one of my podcasts a mention on Twitter.

Anyway, as you all know I’ve been asking for interesting nonsense quotes and offering up a small prize for the ones I chose to go on the show.  So far there haven’t really been any takers, and I think I have to call this one as a failed experiment.  I think I know the reason why.  I’m asking for something that feels too much like homework, and most people are just not motivated enough to put in an effort.  Well, that’s fine, it was worth a try.  I did buy these things to give out though, and I’d like to think of an excuse to send them to people.  If anybody has an idea of some type of contest I could run that might attract more participation, let me know.  The email address is *EMAIL*



And now a quote from crystal skull explorer Joshua Shapiro:

When I touched that crystal skull, I immediately had an inner earthquake that started inside of me.  It was as if I was in a real earthquake, except that earthquake was happening inside of my body.

Wait… hold on just one second here, I’m calling shenanigans! Stop the music, stop the music!!

Okay, first of all, why am I using a record player? It’s 2012. Who do I have to telegraph to get some modern equipment around here?

But more to the point, that quote can’t be right.  It’s just too perfect, I find it hard to believe that somebody said that without realizing what he was implying.  I had to have made that up or taken it out of context – he couldn’t have really said that!

When I touched that crystal skull, I immediately had an inner earthquake that started inside of me.  It was as if I was in a real earthquake, except that earthquake was happening inside of my body.

Huh.  I guess he really did say that.  Well, okay then, I guess it’s fair game.  Sorry for the interruption, continue playing the music.

…. So, crystal skulls eh? Well, everybody has their thing. And I’ve been there man, I’ve felt that earthquake come unbidden… in the depths of night when I’m having an… interesting dream…  And crystal skulls aren’t that crazy.  I’m into some crazy, kinky stuff too!  Let me tell you about this one time when I took this big, round….



Once again it’s time to delve into the world of Ancient Aliens.  This is my fifth entry analyzing the very first episode of the show, and I don’t think there’s too much more in the way of interesting claims after this.  There are a few more things to look into, but I’m hoping I’ll be able to do all of the rest of them in one episode.  But, of course, there are always interesting Ancient Alien claims to look into, so I’m nowhere near to running out of material on the subject.

Anyway, for help with this entry, I would like to give special thanks to Yannis Deliyannis, a historian who has spent over a decade looking at Ancient Alien claims.  I found Yannis through his blog, Chronicon Mirabilium, where he looks at ancient anomalous celestial phenomena and mysterious history.  Yannis was nice enough to take the time to answer some of my questions and point me to some great resources that really helped me put this article together more quickly than would have otherwise been possible.

I would also like to thank Susan Johnston, archaeologist and anthropologist at George Washington University.  Professor Johnston is the lecturer in a lecture series called “Myths and Mysteries in Archaeology”.  I found her through a podcast from Modern Scholar where she discusses archaeology and her new course.  She was nice enough to take the time to talk with me over email and help me to consider different perspectives from which to tackle the claims that I’ve been looking at.

And I would also like to thank my good frenemy Doctor Stuart Robbins, the dauntless exposer of pseudoastronomy!  He helped me revise my original analysis to include more information by answering some questions about rock formation and helping me figure out some details.

Anyway, I want to switch things up a little today.  The first thing I’m going to talk about is not a response to anything specific from the Ancient Aliens episode.  Instead, I want to tell you a little story from history.  I came across this story in a book by Simon Winchester entitled “The Man Who Loved China”.  It seemed like a wonderful historical incident to illustrate my point about evidence and how Ancient Alien theorists often go wrong when they draw conclusions.

Over 2,200 years ago in China, a tributary of the Yangtze called the Minjiang River was causing no end of problems because of it’s frequent flooding.  The most obvious solution would have been to dam the river, but government officials wanted to keep the waterways open for transportation purposes.  A man by the name of Li Bing came up with the solution: a massive irrigation project that would control the water flow and provide farmers and citizens with greater access to water resources.

The Dujiangyan Irrigation System created by Li Bing is still in service, and irrigates over 5,300 square kilometers of land.  It’s considered to be one of the great marvels of ancient construction, and in China it’s known as the “Treasure of Sichuan”.  It’s a very impressive accomplishment, one that required the ancient Chinese workers to gouge a 20 m wide channel through the Yulei Mountain.

Here’s the problem: the Chinese technology at the time wasn’t up to the task.  Gunpowder hadn’t been invented yet, and they had no tools that could cut through the hard rock of the Yulei Mountain.  If you were assigned to perform this task, do you think that you would be able to do it?  Can you think of any method by which you’d get that channel dug?

If I told you that there’s no way that the ancient Chinese could have built this channel, and that they must have had help from an advanced civilization from another planet, would you be swayed by that argument?

If you can think of a workable method to accomplish this task without extra terrestrial help, give yourself a pat on the back.  I certainly don’t think that I’d have been able to figure it out.  But Li Bing did figure it out, and luckily, he left records of exactly how he did it.  Basically, he lit fires over the rock, allowed them to get really hot, then doused them quickly with cold water.  This caused the rock to become brittle and crack, making them easy to break up and move out of the way.

But what if we didn’t have any records of how Li Bing did this, what would you think of this massive man made channel that seemingly couldn’t have been dug using the technology they had available at the time?  Would you have concluded that aliens must have been involved?

If so, then you would have been wrong, but that’s almost beside the point here.  More important is the reason why you were wrong, which is because you used poor reasoning to come to your conclusion.  The fact is that you can’t solve one unknown by attributing it to another unknown.

It doesn’t matter what the unknown is, you could just as easily replace “aliens from another planet” with “a technologically advanced species of subterranean mole men” and it would make very little difference to the theory.  We don’t have any evidence for either scenario, or any knowledge of either alleged interlopers.  All we’ve got is wild speculation, and nothing else.

If the evidence fits the subterranean mole men hypothesis equally as well as the ancient aliens hypothesis, then what reason is there to chose one scenario over the other? Indeed, what reason is there to believe that either of them represent what actually happened?  It could just as easily be a third scenario, such as beings from another dimension, or a fourth, that they did it through powerful psychokinesis.  

But this kind of flawed reasoning makes up the majority of what the ancient alien theorists talk about.  They can’t figure out how it could be done, therefore it must have actually been aliens.  We’ve already seen examples of this in previous episodes, and we’re going to see some very obvious examples of this kind of reasoning coming up very soon.  I think the story of Li Bing’s irrigation project nicely illustrates why this kind of reasoning is flawed from the very beginning.  

But now let’s get to the Ancient Aliens show.  We start off with the following voiceover by the narrator:

Palm Springs, California.  Master stone mason and sculptor Roger Hopkins uses a variety of advanced tools to cut and shape hard stones.   Powered implements, such as diamond tipped wires and polishers enable him to fashion works of art out of huge granite blocks obtained from nearby quarries.  Yet even with these high tech tools, Hopkins cannot replicate what ancient civilizations accomplished thousands of years ago.  Could these advanced engineering methods be the smoking gun that proves humans had help from alien beings?

A master stone mason and sculptor is completely unable to duplicate the stone work of some ancient people?  That does sound like an impressive claim.  This narration is followed by a quote from Hopkins himself, let’s see what he has to say:

The precision on some of the work I’ve seen is just incredible.  It’s possible to do by hand, but it’d take an incredible amount of time, plus you’d have to have years of experience to be able to pull it off.

.... Did anybody else notice that Hopkins isn’t backing up what the narrator said?
The narrator was just talking about feats of stone workmanship that would be impossible to accomplish even with today’s technology.  Yet in the very next sentence, when their expert gets his chance to speak, all he has to say is basically “It’s possible to do it by hand... just difficult.”  

Hey Ancient Aliens show – words are important!  “Impossible” and “difficult” are two different words with different meanings! You can’t just replace one with the other and expect the meaning to stay the same! Your statement was that Hopkins would find this stonework impossible to do, and right after you said that, the moment you let Hopkins talk, he completely contradicted what you said! And it’s a clear contradiction, the narrator basically said that it was impossible, and right afterwards Hopkins said
“It’s possible”

How does this kind of inconsistency slip by you so easily as you’re putting the show together? It’s unbelievable! Your attention to detail and fact checking has to be so minuscule as to be non-existent!

So where is this notion coming from that we can’t replicate what our ancient ancestors did?  Here’s our friend Giorgio Tsoukalos, publisher of Legendary Times Magazine.  Maybe he’ll clue us in to what they’re talking about:

In my opinion the most tangible pieces of evidence that we have regarding possible extra terrestrial technology is when we look at the ancient stonecutting techniques.  Because in some instances, we ourselves today could not replicate what our ancestors allegedly accomplished with stonemasonry.

I would very much love to see these instances of stonemasonry that we are unable to duplicate.  Maybe they’ll get around to that.  

In any case, this is quite encouraging.  Tsoukalos says that this evidence is the “most tangible” of all the evidence for ancient aliens.  Excellent!  I’m not doing this analysis because it’s easy, you know.  I want to tackle the best evidence that the ancient alien theorists can throw at me!  Who knows, maybe I’ll find some actual valid evidence!

So the narrator moves on to talk about a pre-Columbian site in Bolivia called Pumapunku, dated to around 200 BC.  These people, precursors of the Inca, had no written language or the wheel.  Tsoukalos confidently tells us that:

The ruins we find at Pumapunku are simply extraordinary.  Pumapunku defies logic.

To explain exactly how Pumapunku “defies logic”, the show brings in the author and investigative journalist Philip Coppens:

The interest of Pumapunku is not so much that the individual stones molded together perfectly, but the fact that the stones, as such, are of such tremendous design that it requires concepts of mathematics which are far beyond anything we are actually using right now. Yet somehow in the past, somebody has made that for a specific purpose, and in a way which even computer programs today would kind of go “how is this possible?”

You know, he might be on to something there.  I’m a computer programmer, and this kind of thing happens to me all the time when I plug in an equation that’s a little too advanced.  That’s when I get that dreaded pop up error message, saying in bold letters “HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE??”  Computers get really confused and frustrated with you if you try to plug in mathematics that are too complicated for them.

But seriously though, What the <EXPLETIVE DELETED> is Philip Coppens talking about??

Designs that require concepts of mathematics that are beyond what we can do today?  What does that even mean?  And if these concepts are so far beyond us, how do we even know enough to recognize them?

The show gives us a couple of images of these amazingly complex designs, which I will include on the show page.  There are some large stone blocks in a row carved out in a manner that resembles the letter H, and there’s a carving of kind of a pixelated peg shape that’s nested within three progressively larger carvings of the same shape.  That’s actually kind of cool… but does it really require complex mathematics in order to explain it?  I’m pretty sure I could come up with a similar design off the top of my head.  In fact, I’ve got a face towel with a design that’s just as mathematically complex – Philip Coppens, I’m sure you’re listening, I’m putting a photo of it in my show notes.  If you find those ancient patterns impressive, this will blow your mind!

I’m certain that if you look you’ll find that this pattern represents some sort of advanced mathematical concepts that are beyond our current understanding.  I mean this is proof positive that aliens have infiltrated our home accessories market.  I don’t know how deep this goes... but you might want to consider checking into Martha Stewart’s background a little.  Something about her seems just a little bit.... off.

Anyway, this is the first and last time we hear that claim in this episode.  From here, the show moves on to a conversation between Tsoukalos and Hopkins.  Hopkins, you’ll remember, is our expert stonemason.  Tsoukalos is showing Hopkins a number of images from Pumapunku, and Hopkins is suitably impressed by the workmanship.  Tsoukalos seems to be making every attempt to extract from Hopkins an admission that modern technology couldn’t duplicate these ancient feats.

If that was, indeed, Tsoukalos’ goal, then he failed at it.  The closest he got during the conversation was when Hopkins said:

It would be difficult for us with our equipment to get that kind of precision

Once again, the word he used was “difficult”, not “impossible”.   In spite of Tsoukalos’ best efforts, the expert in stonemasonry that they’re using on the show simply doesn’t agree with the show’s conclusion that ancient people performed feats of stoneworking that would be impossible to duplicate. They try to brush that under the rug, but it’s right there glaring at us! And the sad thing is that most people who watch this show probably won’t even notice the inconsistency.

I think that Tsoukalos just doesn’t care whether he gets his facts exactly right.  If he can find some justification that’s “close enough”, that’s good enough for him. And he’s pretty comfortable in the knowledge that few people are going to call him on it.

We’re next treated to a quote by mining engineer Michael Dunn:

When I saw these blocks, I didn’t really think that they were cut.  The first thing really that I thought of was “this appears very similar to Frank Lloyd Wright’s textile block system of construction which he used in his California houses in the early 1920’s.  Now what he did was he took concrete, poured it into molds.

This is our first taste of what will become the dominant theory for the rest of this segment to explain how these stone structures were created.  Tsoukalos provides the next sound bite:
There actually are ancient Incan legends that suggest that they had the capability of softening the stone.  At Saqsaywaman, for example, we find these gigantic stone blocks, gigantic stone walls, where it looks as if those stones were molten , put into place, and then the stone hardened again.

For a picture of the stone blocks that Tsoukalos was talking about, check the show page.
I suppose it’s a matter of opinion... but those stones look nothing like they were molten and poured into molds to me.  They’re all different shapes and sizes, and I don’t know about you, but those edges give me the distinct impression of being cut, not melted into being.

It certainly doesn’t look like any form of concrete-from-molds construction that I’ve ever seen.  And to my understanding, these are still separate blocks.  If they were melted then put together, wouldn’t they have fused to some extent?

And what’s this Incan legend that Tsoukalos is talking about?  Yannis Deliyannis actually located that for me, the man’s a fountain of knowledge.  He shared with me a quote from the 1911 book “Across South America” by Hiram Bingham:

The modern Peruvians are very fond of speculating as to the method which the Incas employed to make their stones fit so perfectly. One of the favorite stories is that the Incas knew of a plant whose juices rendered the surface of a block so soft that the marvellous fitting was accomplished by rubbing the stones together for a few moments with this magical plant juice!

As usual, Tsoukalos thinks that it’s perfectly acceptable to interpret stories by accepting only the parts that agree with what he wants to say, and dismissing everything else as unimportant.  I’ve already talked about why it’s important to take stories in their own context.  You shouldn’t read details into the story that aren’t there, but it’s also important not to just dismiss details because they don’t work with your argument.

The claim in this story was that these stones were softened by the use of some magical plant juice.  Tsoukalos wants to just edit out the words “magical plant juice” and replace them with “advanced alien technology”.  The problem is that no matter how finely you slice it, that’s just not what the story says!

The show now moves on to look at an Incan site from the 15th century known as Machu Picchu.  Michael Dunn gives us our next talking head quote:

I can’t help but think that whoever was behind this thought the process through from beginning to end.  They didn’t quarry the rock and then decide “how the heck are we going to transport this?’”  They knew, from beginning to end what needed to be done with whatever techniques and technology they were going to use.

Well thank the heavens you were here Captain Obvious!  I don’t know what we would have done without you!

I wonder who Mr. Dunn thinks he’s arguing against.  Does he believe there are some naysayers out there going “Nahhh... I think you’re wrong about that Dunn!  The ancient Incans were totally just winging it right off the top of their heads!”

Mr. Dunn continues:

In industry today there’s an adage: “Keep It Simple, Stupid”.

Ah, the KISS principle!  I’m a fan!  I had a college professor that hammered that in to me.

Anyway, the narrator explains further:

Based on his experience, Mike Dunn believes the simplest way to build the great walls of Machu Picchu would have been to transport small rocks to the site, then melt them and use molds to fashion the exact size and shape needed.

The “problem” that Mike Dunn thinks he’s solving here, is the fact that the stone bricks of Machu Picchu are primarily made from granite.  Granite is a very tough stone, it’s difficult to work with. So how could these ancient people have done it?  Since Mr. Dunn can’t think of a way, it must have been aliens!  It’s the simpler answer, right?

Well, sure, that may be simpler for the quarrying and transportation - but melting granite is not a simple proposition.  In fact, I would argue that the suggestion that they melted the granite so over complicates this theory that’s not in line with the KISS principle by any means.

But this goes beyond just not being in line with the KISS principle.  It turns out that the process he describes, melting granite down into construction blocks, is actually not physically possible.  Even if these ancient people were given ray guns by aliens that could heat up these stones enough to melt them, it would still be impossible for them to form granite blocks in this manner.  This is not something that Mr. Dunn can just take… for granite!

…. See what I did there? I replaced the word “granted” with “granite”, because we’re talking about granite.  Ha ha ha! Oh, I am just full of wit!

Anyway, the reason you can’t do it is that when you melt down granite into magma and let it cool, it turns rhyolite, which is a different type of rock that wouldn’t be mistaken for granite.  You see, granite is a medium to coarse grained rock, which means that when you look at it, it’s mottled so that you can easily see the individual minerals that make up the rock.  In granite the primary minerals are quartz and feldspar, with some other stuff thrown in there.  In granite, you can see the crystals of these minerals clearly.  The thing is that those large crystals require special conditions in which to form.  The main thing they require is a very slow cooling period, on the order of thousands to millions of years.  If magma is cooled over a period of days or weeks, the mineral crystals don’t have time to grow much, and they only form on a microscopic level, not visible to the human eye.

If magma cools down even quicker than that, crystals don’t form at all and you get glass.  

But we know they didn’t build Machu Picchu out of glass bricks, and it seems kind of doubtful that they stood around keeping some magma hot for thousand of years just to get granite blocks.  The only option using this method that would create some form of rock bricks in a reasonable amount of time would never yield granite.  Granitic magma, when it’s cooled quickly, becomes rhyolite – a type of rock with different properties than granite.  They would not be mistaken for one another!

It took me only an evening’s worth of research to find this out.  As I was revising this article for the podcast, I suddenly got to wondering if there was any way to test Mr. Dunn’s theory.  If these blocks of granite had been melted into their current shape, I asked myself, would there be any way for us to know it?  It’s a basic question, right? Surely it’s a question that you should be asking yourself if you’ve come up with any scientific theory.  The first thing on your mind should be “how can I test this out to prove that I’m right?”

I can be excused for not thinking of that right away because I don’t carry the burden of proof.  What’s Mr. Dunn’s excuse?  If he thinks he’s right about this, shouldn’t he at least have done some basic research into rock formation and how scientists test their properties?  What’s painfully obvious here, from this and all of the other Ancient Alien claims I’ve analyzed, is that these people just don’t care about doing proper scientific research to actually produce evidence for anything they say.  They’ve just got speculation, and while they try to dress it up to make it look like their speculations are actually evidence of something, they’re not.

Oh, but then how do I explain how they managed to form those granite bricks to make these impressive constructions without the help of modern equipment?  I mean, please check out the show page where I will put links to these images.  These are granite bricks that are placed so carefully that they don’t even require any mortar to hold them in place! How is that possible without modern machinery or alien help, I ask you?

I mean, I’m looking at one particularly impressive photo right now of magnificent granite block arches stretching up into the sky… this has to be impossible without the aid of modern…..

..... hold on a second, let me check my notes on something here.....

I’m sorry folks, I just realized that I kind of messed up.  This picture isn’t of Machu Picchu.  What I’ve been looking at here is the Aqueduct of Segovia, built somewhere between the first and second centuries AD by the Romans, who.. also used granite blocks without mortar for their construction.

My bad!  But you know, this brings up an interesting point: the ancient Romans didn’t have modern machinery any more than did the ancient Incans.  Does that mean that the ancient Romans had help from aliens as well?

As opposed to the Incans, we have a heck of a lot of writing from the ancient Romans.  You’d think somewhere along the way one of those ancient Romans would have commented on their subterranean mole men.... err... I mean alien visitations or their stone melting ray guns.  Something along the lines of “That Galactic Overlord Glorp sure has helped make construction easier for us!” would have been nice.  Strange that they’re so quiet about it... and that none of the Ancient Alien proponents are even mentioning the Aqueduct of Segovia as proof of alien visitation.

But let’s get back to the show where we’ve got a quote from Hopkins about the feasibility of melting granite:

Melting the rocks and then pouring them into place would take an incredible amount of heat ... I have a stone torch which I use for sometimes shaping granite, and it generates a temperature of in excess of three thousand degrees.  Three thousand degrees!  That’s a lot!

It certainly is.  Hopkins, you have quite the talent for understatements!

Michael Dunn, put your finishing touches on this argument!

When we look back at the ancients and we see a technology that they couldn’t possibly know, there’s only two possibilities to that: either God did it, which we really don’t think happened, or some high tech civilization from another planet came and showed them how to do it, then took their material and tools and went back home.

Don’t you love how he just went from speculating about how these constructions were built, to assuming that there’s no other possible explanation in order to try and back any dissenters into an uncomfortable corner?

Even if you accept his premise, though, his reasoning still doesn’t work out.  Saying “Aliens did it!” is exactly as poorly reasoned as saying “God did it!” or “Subterranean Mole Men did it!” or whatever have you.  Any one of those assertions is an appeal to some unknown entity, and like I’ve already pointed out, you can’t solve an unknown with another unknown!

There’s no reason for the statement “Aliens did it!” to be considered any more valid than the statement “God did it!”.  Dunn seems to accept that the aliens theory is more valid, but he’s failed to provide a single reason for that.

And let’s be clear here that this is not just Mr. Dunn’s explanation. This is the main explanation endorsed by the Ancient Aliens show for how these ancient societies built their buildings.  I assume that means that it was the best explanation they had.  When something so flawed is presented so confidently as the most probable explanation, you know that you’re not dealing with people who have any respect for facts or evidence.

And the thing is that archaeologists have actually been to the quarries that the Incas used, and they’ve found these granite blocks in various stages of preparation.  What are we to make of these blocks if we believe that they actually transported smaller stones to the construction site for melting?  If that’s the case, what exactly were they doing cutting up these granite blocks in the quarries?

So Tsoukalos’ best evidence for Ancient Aliens pretty much evaporates into nothingness when we look at it critically.  It doesn’t give me much hope for any of the evidence in the rest of the show, which by his own admission is bound to be even weaker and more insubstantial.  But I’m having fun with this, and the more nonsense they put out there, the more material I have for my podcast.  I don’t think I’ll ever run out of material, but I *am* out of time for this segment today.



And now, a quote on interpreting your dreams to get spiritual communications or predict the future from the book “Fringe Knowledge For Beginners”

You will have to separate the meaningful dreams from the nonsense ones that come into your brain from sorting its memory pieces, or an astral critter trying to feed.  Only by remembering dreams and trying your best to figure them out will you learn over time how to sift out the nonsense.

Wonderful advice!  You’ve got to pay attention to the meaningful dreams!  How do you know which dreams are meaningful?  Well, those are the ones where you can actually piece together some sort of meaning after the fact.  Just make sure to ignore all the ones that don’t fit into any pattern.

Now I know some people may say that it’s confirmation bias to only pay attention to the hits and ignore the misses.  But what do they know?  They probably wouldn’t recognize an astral critter trying to feed off their dreams if it was right in front of them!  It’s the times when you just look for patterns without any criteria or logic that you really find the truth!  Trust me, it works! ... except for when it doesn’t.  Oh crap, is that an astral critter?  BACK!! GET AWAY!!! *GUNSHOTS* You’re not munching on my dreams ya bastard!! *GUNSHOTS*



Let’s get to the emails and comments I’ve received! I’ll start with some of the more hostile comments – those are always the best ones.  I love the ones that are so angry with me, completely out of proportion to what is warranted by anything I’ve said.  How many of you out there are also podcasters or bloggers?  You know what I’m talking about, those really venomous emails that seem to come out of nowhere – they’re the best, right?

Let me illustrate with a comment from a user named SanDiegoDavina, who posts on the subject “Hater” – apparently that refers to me.  I’m a hater.  We actually established in a past episode that I’m full of hate when I responded to that comment from Adam. Anyway, SanDiegoDavina writes:

I read your blog because I have watched many episodes of Ancient Aliens. I too have been waiting for the History channel to come up with a show to counter the ancient alien theories. I find both sides interesting. I do agree with your opinion that some of the stuff shown on the show about the golden flyers is silly and far fetched. However, I think you are condescending asshole. At least the theorists present their ideas and evidence with an open mind and positive attitude. I think it’s great to question what is presented on Ancient Aliens, but don’t be a dick about it. There is a lot on the show that warrants investigation such as unexplainable ancient structures. There are also parts of the show that are exaggerated and laughable. Why don’t you make your next blog less asshole like and more scientific? You might actually get people thinking, instead off pissing people off by throwing insults at scientists on Ancient Aliens. If had to pick a side, I sure wouldn’t agree with an uneducated tool bag blogger like you. Instead of dissing ancient alien scientists, why don’t you take a look in the mirror and analyze yourself!

Wow!  That was… really harsh!  Davina was responding to my original blog entry where I analyzed the very first segment of Ancient Aliens.  Those of you who’ve listened to my podcast will remember that it’s the same material I covered in episode 2. The content was edited and updated a little, but it’s essentially the same stuff I put in that podcast a little over a year ago now.  I know I told some jokes and made a little fun of the Ancient Alien theory, but when Davina accuses me of throwing insults I have to wonder if she accidentally read another website and confused it with something I said.

I challenge anybody to find a single insult that I threw during the course of that episode. The transcript is right on the website and is fully searchable, as is the original article.  I find it very hard to take Davina’s criticisms seriously when she makes these kinds of statements that wildly mischaracterize what I actually said.

As a general rule, I don’t insult.  I invoke a little light ridicule, but the aim of that ridicule is mostly directed towards the ideas rather than the people promoting them.  Once in a while perhaps it’s fun to gently mock some characteristics of a person, like Tsoukalos’ hair for example.  I’ve certainly commented on that before, but I don’t think anything I’ve said qualifies as mean spirited.  I try very hard to avoid that, being mean spirited. So when I get accused of being a “dick”, a “condescending asshole”, and an “uneducated tool bag blogger” – those remarks seem so totally out of character with what I actually said that I have to laugh at the absurdity of it!

Davina seems to be suggesting that her hostility is warranted by at least an equal amount of hostility coming from my article.  I would love to see that argument fleshed out in all seriousness. Have I said anything that’s the equivalent to calling somebody an “uneducated tool bag blogger”?

I do love it that she actually agrees with me about the golden flyer though.  I get that a lot.  Statements like “You’re right, the show does say a lot of stuff that’s nonsense, buuut (dot dot dot)”.  That was a big but I just said there.  I do like big buts, I won’t lie to you about it.  Anyway, the buts are always interesting.  I’m right, but I have a bad attitude, or I’m right, but I’m refusing to address some other claims.  Davina invoked both of those buts here.  We just went over the first, what about the second?

Davina said that “There is a lot on the show that warrants investigation such as unexplainable ancient structures.  There are also parts of the show that are exaggerated and laughable.” – I think the implication she’s making here is that I’m just choosing to focus on the exaggerated, laughable things and ignoring the stuff that’s harder to explain.  It’s a very strange criticism to make, because even in that first article I mentioned that I was covering the very first segment, and that I was looking at continuing my analysis segment by segment until I’d covered the whole show. Did Davina even read that part? Did she bother to take a look at my other articles on the subject?

I’m not just cherry picking the easiest claims to talk about here. I’m trying to completely cover every claim that comes up in chronological order. If anybody has noticed a major claim made by the show that I accidentally skipped over, please let me know and I will correct the oversight as soon as possible.

As though trying to make Davina’s line of reasoning more explicit, I also got a comment from a user named armysniper, who entitles his coment “LOL” writes:

lol the guy who made this site is hilarious. You either miss the point or skip over any decent remarks from the show. Ill be the first to admit, about 70% of this show is bullshit. But its the 30% of it that no one can explain that is interesting. For instance, you talk about how, when he(i forget his name...but i agree with you that he is an idiot...im not defending him) *Dumbass Note – I believe here he is referring here to Giorgio Tsoukalos, whose name is mentioned in the article I wrote that armysniper has supposedly just read… it should have been a fairly straightforward task to check said article to make sure he’s got his facts straight… or maybe he just doesn’t care about that – End Dumbass Note* referencing the book of ezekiel, he skips alot of it...well cause it had nothing to do with his point. None of that shit that you wrote about it strengthens your argument. Also, your skipping over the most important part of this segment...how about mentionening anything about NASA engineer Josef F. Blumrich and how he recreated and patented the idea. You obviously couldnt prove it wrong, so you skipped it. Maybe this should be “The dumbasses guide to being a dumbass”

This comment is in response to my third article on Ancient Aliens, the one entitled “The Evidence For Ancient Communications.”  It’s the same article that I went over in episode 6 of this podcast.  Those of you who’ve listened to that episode or read the article are my witness – and for those of you who haven’t feel free to check out what I wrote so you can confirm it for yourselves, that I did, indeed, in that very article talk about Josef Blumrich!

I devoted a whole 8 paragraphs to talking about the Blumrich claims! It was the very last claim I talked about, so if armysniper had just completed reading the article that fact should have been very easy for him to remember. This claim that I completely skipped over the subject because I couldn’t prove it wrong is just silly!

Armysniper, here’s a tip for you if you want to avoid embarrassing yourself like this in the future: when you’re criticizing a blog article, it might be a good idea to make sure you actually read it.  And by the way, you can actually refer to the article while you’re in the middle of writing your comment if there’s anything you’re unsure about.  There’s this wonderful thing these days called tabbed browsing – it’s on all the major web browsers.  You can be writing your comment in one tab, have my article opened up in another, and you can switch between them if you’re not sure about something.

Armysniper, if you’re too intellectually lazy to make sure that you actually know what you’re talking about before you criticize, how do you expect people to take you seriously?

Anyway, regarding Tsoukalos skipping most of the book of Ezekiel, the point I was trying to make there was that Tsoukalos was picking and choosing the parts that he could interpret as relating to his pet theory, and ignoring the inconvenient details that didn’t fit with his theory.  That should be fairly easy for you to understand, since it’s exactly the same thing that you’ve just accused me of doing.  The difference is that in Tsoukalos’ case, he actually *is* cherry picking this stuff.

I also like that Armysniper gave me some percentages.  Apparently 70% of the show is crap, but there’s 30% of it making actual valid claims.  I think I’ve covered at least 70% of the show so far… haven’t found any of those valid claims yet. Are they hiding out right at the end there? Is the last part of the show going to blow my mind?  Or maybe he just means that 70% of the episodes are crap, while 30% of them are gold.  That must be it!  I just made the mistake of picking one of the complete BS episodes to analyze!  Silly mistake on my part to think that they might want to start with their best foot forward, and that an episode entitled “The Evidence” might be expected to show me some actual, valid evidence.

I really do love it, though, when the people criticizing me implicitly admit that I’m right, that my criticisms of the show are valid.  Even if they then go on to say that I’m somehow avoiding some other really amazing claims that I just can’t explain away (haven’t found any of those yet, but the search continues) – even if they say that, they’re still admitting that I have a point, and they have no good arguments against my logic.

And let me tell you something, even if it was the case that 30% of the claims I went over were mind blowing revelations that I couldn’t deny, I would still criticize and ridicule the other 70% of the show that was utter crap.

Anyway, not too long after he didn’t fully read my third article, armysniper posted another comment regarding my fourth ancient aliens article.

wow this site is stupid. So Chris dunn is an expert using modern tools...but this fucking idiot is saying is he has “no idea” how to use a pickaxe or saw(ancient tools). The guy who made this site is an ancient tool. Stop crying about Chris Dunn concluding ancient alien theory...especially when you admin yourself he never said he was. Its people like the maker of this site we thought the world was flat and the world was the center of the galaxy for so long. I love you idiots who sit your fat asses on ur computer while these people are doing actual work.

Awww, I love you too armysniper!  And you’ve pretty much got me pegged in that last sentence there.  I *am* here sitting on my fat ass at my computer.  Regarding Chris Dunn though, I’m pretty sure I never said that he doesn’t know how to use a pickaxe or saw. I only said that he’s not an expert in ancient construction.  It takes more than understanding how to use a pickaxe to be an expert in this area.

But armysniper is right when he said that I did admin myself that Chris Dunn isn’t an Ancient Alien theorist.  I have completely adminned it, and I stand by what I said.  I don’t see how that should excuse Mr. Dunn from criticism for the claims that he *did* make though. That seems like a very strange thing to call me out on.

And regarding the idea that I’m the type of person who would hold back the advancement of science by insisting that the Earth was the center of the universe, I will refer you to the comments and emails section of episode 7 of this podcast, where I answered this exact same claim from a user named Daybreaker.

I got another comment here, this one on my second Ancient Aliens article. This one is from a user named concern94 and is entitled “GET A CLUE” in all capital letters. Concern94 writes:

    your just a stubborn, ignorant indovidual arent you? if you look at the whole series by a few mistakes (possiblly typos) and say that its all fake and a lie, than why do you even watch ot? and there not saying "this is deffenetly what happened" there simply asking the question "could it be possible?" but people like you who are stuck on the 19th century still think that were alone? honestly?? 55 percent of americans have claimed to have seen a ufo or know someone personaly who has. so get with it! if your dumb ass doesnt see this giant dog and pony show the government puts on for americans every day because they think were a bunch of pussies and we cant handle the truth, thsn you obviously arent a good observer. the fuckimg mexican government filmed a ufo flying over there airspace with high tech, millitary standard cameras USED FOR IDENTIFYING AIRCRAFT, but guess what, they didnt know what the fuck it was! and now peice by peice, document by document, countries all over the world are slowly releasing more and more information to the public and encouraging the US to do the same but our govenment wants to be the last ones to have no idea. its all just an act

I really like the suggestion here that I’m just finding a few mistakes, and that they’re all possibly typos.  That explains everything, right?  Whenever they’re wrong about something, it’s just a typo!

I think what concern94 was referring to there was how I criticized the show for claiming there were Sanskrit documents dating to 6,000 BC, which was completely untrue.  I theorized that maybe somebody made an error when putting in the dates and it just got propagated.  So I *did* criticize them for what might have been a typo… but that’s not the *only* thing I criticized them about. I covered every major claim made in that segment, including the origin of the Vymaanika Shaastra, and the claims made about mercury gyroscopes. I covered every claim made in a full ten minute segment of this show, so how exactly am I just singling out “a few mistakes”.  And even if it is a typo, that’s not an excuse.  The claim that there is documented proof of alien visitation from 6,000 BC is a really amazing claim, and for a documentary to put something like that out there without bothering to do any fact checking on it is just inexcusable.

And this argument that the Ancient Aliens show is just exploring the possibilities and I should go easy on them because of it is just nonsense.  They claim to have evidence.  The title of this very show I’ve been talking about is “The Evidence”.  What’s with this attitude of “Why, how dare you look at the evidence presented with a critical eye! That is uncalled for sir! You’ve gone far beyond the pale, and I will have none of it! I bid you good day sir!” …. Come to think of it, you’re right, I’m completely out of line for actually examining what they say to see if there’s any validity in it.  It’s all because I’m a hater, that’s just my nature.  Nothing to be done about it.

The rest of concern94’s comment is pretty much irrelevant, because I haven’t said word one about current alien visitations, government cover-ups, or anything of that nature.  I haven’t denied that aliens exist, nor have I denied that they’re currently visiting us and shoving things up our bums for fun. I’ve only been talking about the supposed evidence for *ancient* alien visitation.  Why is it that my critics often want to challenge me to explain current alien claims? That’s not what I’ve been writing about.

Anyway, I think I’ll move away from the hostile comments now.  There are a few more I do want to get to at some point.  Danny and Avid Watcher, if you’re listening, I haven’t forgotten about you and I do plan on addressing your criticisms in a future show.

I got a comment relating to my last episode, the one dealing with the Psychic Detective.  Harry Q. Hammer writes:

I was just reading Arthur Robert's story in Ripley's Believe It Or Not comic (No. 20, June 1970). The claims in this story are even bolder than what you found. Indeed Mr Roberts was known as "the world famous psychic detective", so why is there never any authentication?

Thanks for that info, Harry.  I love how you really don’t need much justification to call somebody or something “World Famous”.  I think that’s especially true these days with the Internet.  My episodes have been downloaded from many different countries, so you should keep in mind right now that you’re listening to the world famous Dumbasses Guide To Knowledge!

I also got an email from a user named George Tsoukalos – and for the record I completely believe that this is the very same Giorgio Tsoukalos that I’ve been talking about.  Yes, I do realize that here he spells his name G-E-O-R-G-E, and on the show the name is spelled G-I-O-R-G-I-O.  What of it?  Shakespear famously spelled his name many different ways. And who are you to tell the man how he’s permitted to shorten his name when posting a comment on a blog?  He’s just trying to be friendly, cut him some slack!  Anyway, George writes:

This is a great podcast. I really love it. You really have a good eye for finding BULL$H!T in someone's article. I really love your Aincient Aliens podcasts. Keep it up! Your greatest fan; Georgie!

I KNEW that the guy was just pulling all our legs!  You can see it in his eyes, he’s always trying to suppress his laughter at the fact that he’s taken seriously.  Georgie, you’re quite a guy! Thanks for writing in!

Now, I *should* have gotten around to answering Georgie in my last episode.  It was a terrible oversight and I was thoroughly reprimanded for it through a comment on the Invisible Sky Monster website.  Georgie wrote:

I give you a glowing recommendation on your Dumbass podcast and you don't even acknowledge me; You Bastard! So I must give you a 1/2 star rating on this podcast. I only give you that 1/2 one because you had Karen Wittmeyer podcast in the nude. A nice thank you Goergie would have earned you a glaring 5 star review.

I hate to say it, but I completely deserved that. I have already expressed my deepest apologies to Mr. Tsoukalos, and we have reconciled with each other. I’m just glad that we can put all this ugliness behind us.

I also got a comment from one Simon S – and I’m just going to assume that his last name is Singh. It’s entirely possible.  He’s a skeptic, and this is a sceptical podcast…. It would actually be foolish of me *not* to assume that this was Simon Singh.  Anyway Simon Singh commented on my last episode regarding the bus driver who kept saying “haveanicedayNOWWWW!!!”. Simon says that it’s not the strange tone that would have bothered him, instead he’d be bothered that

it doesn't make grammatical sense. A day is a period of 24 hours, but now refers to this instant. You can't have a nice period of 24 hours instantly. The NOW part is completely redundant. Pedantry over. Love the podcast Mr. Dumbass

Absolutely right! Thanks for writing in and endorsing the podcast Mr. Singh!

I got a tweet from a user named T Cochran who writes:

I’ve written 2 raving reviews of the Dumbass Guide on iTunes, but the haven’t appeared. Maybe the Apple folks are aliens. Conspiracy maybe?

You may be right Cochran, I certainly wouldn’t put it past them.  But it seems to me that iTunes is such a messy, bloated, and inefficient program that we don’t need to invoke anything but incompetence in order to explain it.

But then, that may be what they want us to think!  It’s all part of the plan!

This isn’t the first time this has happened.  You might remember that I’ve answered a similar comment before. And just recently I got an email from somebody saying that they had trouble downloading my podcast through iTunes on their iPhone.  Apparently it worked perfectly fine on their computer, but the version for the iPhone just hung and refused to continue the download.

Apple, what are you doing here?? You’re always releasing these new versions of iTunes for some reason that provide absolutely no discernible benefits except perhaps to rearrange the navigation a little bit so that everybody gets confused until they get used to the new way of doing things.  Have you ever given a thought to perhaps trying to make changes that actually improve peoples’ experience in using your service? How about a thought to quality control between different versions of the program so that people can download a podcast to their desktop computer just as easily as to their iPhone?

And why does it take so long to load up anything on iTunes? It has to be one of the most sluggish applications out there!  Anything you’ve got on the iTunes store could be easily made into a web application and it would run a heck of a lot more smoothly!  And why can’t I see the reviews for my podcast from all countries in one place?

And while I’m on a rant, I realize that I’m bringing up stuff from my college days over a decade ago, but the iMac? Really? *That* seemed like a reasonable computer design to you? They looked like children’s toys! I’d expect to hit the B key and hear “B is for Bubbles” as I hear the pop-pop-pop sound of bubbles being blown out of the monitor. And they came with circular mice! I’ve yet to find a mouse that feels more awkward in a user’s hand.

*SIGH*… well, moving on, speaking of iTunes, somebody actually managed to write me a new review on the system! I got a five star review from a user named M-M-M-3-3-P-P-P….. mmmthreeeepuhpuhpuh wrote:

This is an amusing podcast that anyone with a sceptical mind will appreciate. I love how he points out all the holes in the Ancient Astronauts show on the History channel.  The only downer is that it takes the host up to two months to post episodes.  Maybe he could try shorter podcasts that are more frequent? Anyway, I love the podcast.

Thanks for the kind words!  I should address here the length of time it took me to bring out this episode.  It took much longer to bring this one out than even I was expecting, and the reason for that is pretty simple.  Stuff happens.  I knew I’d be a little late because things always get really crazy around the Christmas season, but I was still hoping to have the episode ready last month.  But then I had computer problems, and a few other things came up and now here it is in February.  When you do a podcast in your spare time, things can easily get delayed when your spare time is in short supply.

Anyway, I think mmmthreeeepuhpuhpuh has a good idea.  Perhaps smaller episodes more frequently would be a nice change.  I do really like the format I’ve got going here with the different segments put altogether, and I don’t want to abandon that. So this calls for a little bit of experimentation.  Here’s my plan, I’m going to start putting out shortened episodes, but not exclusively.  Every third, fourth, or fifth episode, whenever I can find the time for it, will be a full sized episode like the one you’re listening to right now.  The others will be smaller, with only one or two segments.  And I’ll broaden the topics I cover so that it’s not all really in depth analysis of some subject.

I hope you guys will enjoy the new, shorter episodes, and I look forward to hearing your comments when I put that in place.

Finally, I got a comment on the Invisible Sky Monster website from Mac of the Amateur Skeptics podcast.  He